After last night, I could never be a politician.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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