You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
