i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
