no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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