i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize