When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
