i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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