So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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