How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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