What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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