did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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