I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
