Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
