I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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