No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
