i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
