evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
