so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
