dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
