i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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