Where did you get a picture of my penis
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
