She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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