i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
