last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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