There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
