He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
