Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
