I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
