almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
