so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
