In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
