A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
