How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have already put on my inside pants.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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