she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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