no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Are my feet made of real feet?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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