I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
