wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
