Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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