im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
