I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
