2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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