I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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