Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
