She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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