i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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