It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize