Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
