Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
