go do what you do best...puke behind churches
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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