Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
