Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
