let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't trust your balls anymore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
