Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dignity is for republicans.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
