'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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