Betty ford says i'm here all night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
