Someone shit on the floor
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
