well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i drank out of a bidet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I DEMAND FORESKIN
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
