Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
