i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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