I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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